Sexual abuse is terrible, especially because it takes something that God made to be beautiful and turns it into a means to control and hurt someone.
Why Use Sex to Abuse?
People that use sex abusively like the feel of power. The very knowledge that they can make you do things you don’t want to do, or even things you would do in a loving relationship, gives them a messed up feeling of pleasure.
How Do You Recognize Sexual Abuse?
Sexual abusers can move slow, over a long period of time, or they can act quickly, the speed of the abuse doesn’t matter.
Slow actions can begin by porn being brought into the bedroom to encourage you into trying new things. The next time it could be them actually talking you into doing something you don’t want to, sometimes it’s comes with the line(s) “You love me right?” or “We love each other, nothing else matters.” Before you know it you’re doing things you’d never admit to anyone, things that degrade you.
What You Feel and Think
Sex is no longer a beautiful act, you despise it. You dress as unattractive as possible to avoid it. You separate yourself as much as possible to try and escape sex.
Your mind becomes full of past encounters and the sounds that accompany them. Long, hot showers help to slow your mind, but they never clean your body.
You dodge spending time with anyone that might notice a difference in your mindset or behavior, especially men.
~ Rape is something that I have personally never dealt with, but it is in the news so often that you can’t miss it. The statistics show that there are 87,000 victims of rape and approx. 66% of the victims knew their attacker. Only 39% of rape and sexual assault victims reported the crime. ~
Please note….There are many different types and stages of relationship abuse, and admittedly more and worse than I have personally dealt with in my past. If I have not covered a type or stage of relationship abuse, it is because I do not have any personal dealings with it. However, my “ignorance” of the type, stage, feelings or after affects does not the change reality of this relationship abuse. If you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship please reach call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
I am so glad you addressed this, because we often think of sexual abuse as violent and many never connect it to marriage. Yet, it DOES happen in marriage and abuse occurs any time you misuse your power to manipulate or force someone to do something they do not want to do. Thank you, Misty!
Yes, it is often only seen as an abuse used outside of marriage, but sadly it occurs within marriage as well. The one whom you love should never abuse you sexually, but it happens more often than we probably realize. Love ya sis…
As a former victim of sexual abuse, I am definitely glad that you presented this topic and addressed it. Thanks for sharing the resource too.
🙁 It is so sad that a topic that affects so many is not discussed more openly so victims can find healing. (((hugs)))
this is a topic that remains behind closed doors, something we are so afraid to discuss out in the open, making it all the more difficult for victims of abuse to have a safe place to go when needing help. Thank you, Misty, for having the courage to speak out!
Yes, we must speak about it so the victims do have a place to go, so they aren’t afraid people won’t believe them. It’s hard to say no to God when He places something on your heart, something you wish you’d had in the past. Courage not so much…desire to make a difference? Definitely. Hugs!
Someone must need to here this today. My link up deals with the same subject.
This series is something God laid on my heart. I know He has someone who needs it for sure. Blessings to you and yours!
Thank you, Misty! This post is so true and so needful. I appreciate your transparency and the burden upon your heart to reach out to those who are hurting. You are a blessing! God bless you for your obedience to Him! Love, Cheryl
Transparency is crucial, those suffering in silence need to know that there are people who really do understand exactly what they are going through. Being real is something we must get back to doing, hiding behind masks helps no one. Blessings Cheryl…
Thank you Misty. As I read your post and the comments it saddens me that the topic of sexual sin of any kind continues to be taboo. It’s heart breaking to know that there are those who sit broken, unable to heal for fear of speaking out.
I have spoken on behalf of them many times and I believe that as those who have found their voice continue to speak maybe one day the church will speak and be a healing place for them.
Until then God uses those who can speak, who have found healing. Thank you for adding your voice to the chorus of voices.
My life verses…well chapter is Isaiah 61 and while I am passionate about many topics about my God I also join in the chorus to speak for those whose voices are still silenced.
Blessing to you…
Yes, our churches need to be willing to speak and to listen. Even those that are in church that have suffered and are still suffering in silence are “required” to remain silent because the church just doesn’t talk about “those things”. Thus on continues the suffering and pain within the victims. Isaiah 61 is my chapter too, it is where my blog name came from, it is what God has done with my life. He took the ashes I created and turned them into a thing of beauty, as only He can. Blessings Sharon…
Thanks for posting this. Sexual Abuse is really hard to heal from and it does make you feel like it’s your fault, that you are messed up forever, untrustworthy, and inherently bad. I have and deal with self-hatred because of the things that have happened to me. I know that God is healing. Please pray for me as darkness is brought to the light. There are crazy spiritual battles going on, but I know that Jesus fights for me.
Oh dear Paula…I am praying for you right now. God is the healer and He desires to do so! Draw close unto Him and He will comfort, love and wrap you in His peace. Feel free to contact me at any time ~ mistyleask (at) mistyleask (dot) com …… Hugs and prayers…
Thank you so much for your prayer! I’ve lived in denial for so long numbing the pain, but couldn’t feel love and was dead inside. Jesus has breathed life into me, but facing reality is oh so painful. It’s hard to hang on to hope, but Jesus hopes for me. I appreciate your post.
Yes, living in denial and trying to just “forget” the past is a normal step in the process. Unfortunately denying and trying to forget doesn’t heal us or help us get beyond it. At some point we must face the past and lay it at Jesus’ feet so that He can take it away. Then and only then will we be able to live in the freedom Christ promises. Hugs and prayers Paula!
Your courage to share is ENcouraging to others, Misty.
Thanks for sharing at Essential Fridays.
Blessings
Mel from Essential Thing Devotions
It’s not easy to share, but God wouldn’t let me walk away from this series. It’s all Him. Hugs Mel
As a foster parent, sexual abuse is something that I am all too familiar with. I actually recently wrote a post for parents about preventing sexual abuse in their children, because this is such a real and important issue. Thank you for addressing it.
It is so sad that our children can be victims of sexual abuse, it is heartbreaking. Thank you for speaking up on such a difficult topic. Blessings